elderly parents sick and won't get help, can social services intervene?

Question

what can be done when elderly parents are seriously sick & will not get help? they live out of state so i can't check on them. i tried to help them in past they refuse it. my mom & step dad abused my sisters & I when we were young, & he had 3 daughters who never spoke to him (must've done somethg awful to them). so the relationship is bad but still i have tried to do things for them & they don't respond. bought them a cell phone they would not use it, bought them a pc & tried to teach them how to use it. refused to even try to use it. now my sister called my mom & she said she has been sick for 3 wks & neighbors are bringing them food, however they will not go to the doctor. b4 they got sick they were depressd & never left the house. i wonder if social services or the police do something. anyone hear of similar problems? any ideas that could help?

Answer 1

They are their own victims and have made themselves this way. It's self-neglect and quite prominent among the elderly population. There are all kinds of reasons for this, but the'yre their own reasons.



Do this: Call the National Agency on Aging Hotline [phone]. This will direct to your local office and they can give you the phone number to the office in their area. They have Social Workers on staff. Discuss the situation with them, advise them of the background and family feelings. Then let them take it from there. They will keep you advised of what's being done and what can be done for your parents. There will probably be home visits, and this will get the problem resolved, because they know what can be done, legally.



This is a difficult situation and you have your own life to live. Just get them the help that they need and walk away from it. That's all that you can do. I realize it sounds hard-nosed, but it's actually for the best and it's the best that you can possibly do for them. It's showing your humanity for those that showed you none.



God Bless you for caring for those who did not.

Answer 2

Your parents aren't your responsibility!

I almost had a nervous breakdown trying to make everything right for my mother. She's been an emotional wreck and a narcissist, prescription drug abuser etc. I had the weight of the world on my back and she was doing nothing to help herself. Now, let's think this thru.

As long as your parents are both alive they are responsible for each other. DHS will tell you you have no recourse.

.

Please go to bed and rest easy, you have offered help (most wouldn't considering the circumstances) and been refused. Think about this-

We cannot take the consequences for someone else's decisions. They are "Toxic Parents" causing you grief to this very day. This information will put new perspective on your situation.

http://www.webheights.net/GrowingbeyondEmotionalAbuse/sforward/sftp.htm

God bless you,

Juju

Answer 3

I think you have done more than most would in your situation. Make a few phone calls and feel better that you tried to help.

Answer 4

Dear Sweet Itsjustme: My heart goes out to you!! You have done all you can, and more, and I think you should close the door on this situation and so should your sister. Pray for them but that is it. There are great answers here and I agree with SofieB's, suggestion IF you just can't let go.

I learned a long time ago that if your family is really dysfunctional and they won't even try to get better, you should walk away and find a new family. Your friends can become your family. My immediate family were all dead by the time time I was 30, including grandparents. I was alone on this earth with two little babies as my ex left and married my close friend. But I made new friends and some of them have adopted me as family. God bless you and check out that web site that JuJu suggested!! You are in my prayers and so are your sister and parents.

Answer 5

Contact your local Dept of Human Services.



They should have a Unit for The Elderly.



Tell them all you have tried.



They will tell you what can be done, if anything.



If they advise you to contact the services in their state, I'm sure they will even have a phone number for you to call.



Then you can rest easy and you can say you did all you could.

Answer 6

YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER, BUT; YOU CANNOT MAKE IT DRINK.

Answer 7

Call social services in their area and express your concerns. If they don't want help then let them be.

Answer 8

I can understand your situation. Wish I had a simple answer for you. Yes you must protect your own family and I totally understand what you are saying. In my humble opinion I would contact Adult Protective Services in their area. If mum is diagnosed with Dementia then they may be able to intervene to some degree. I fear that there just are not many agencies that can do very much at this point until the situation gets even worse. I wish that I could be more optimistic. Good wishes to you and your family as you go through this difficult time.

Answer 9

Yes, social services for seniors can help. Please give the dept. a call in the area they live in. Let them know what you have observed, etc.

They should be able to respond within 24 hr. or less regarding the situation. Sounds like they may need to be in a nursing home, or assisted living facility.

Take care.

Answer 10

Sorry for the way I express my answer but I can not stand to hear of abusive parents:

Call check on them if you wish..

Never forget to say I love you

Then don't worry about them want goes around comes around.

Answer 11

You can try it with Social Services. Since you are out of state this may be difficult, but call Social Services and talk to someone. Do they have Medicare? That would pay for Dr and medication (or most of it). Medicare will also pay for home health visiits, again or most of it. They also may be eligible for Medicaid. Talk to Social Services in their state and see what they can do. My Mother is also in another state and I have been able to locate a program that helps her pay her electric bill, charity programs at the hospitals she has been in to minimize the bills that Medicare will not pay. It is a lot of work, but there is help out there. Its good of you to care after your abusive childhood.

Answer 12

either they can't afford to go to the doctor, the illness isn't that serious or they feel they can overcome it without intervention, or they don't want your help. If they have a neighbor coming in, can you figure out who that neighbor is and ask your parents health from that neighbor. Ask the neighbor not to tell your parents that you are inquiring (if you feel that is appropriate), and ask if you can continue to check that they are ok thru her. You can then supply her with the information about homemaker services in their area, or respite if things really get worse. But I think the neighbor contact is the best thing for now. To call the police or social services would not only alarm them but may rush them off to a quick end which I'm sure they don't want. Ask the neighbor what the home smells like and if it is clean. If not then maybe your neighbor, through you, could hire the homemaker services to come in and clean or clean up (so the bugs don't take over) or take them to get a checkup if that is what they want. If your parents are lucid and not having dementia problems then if you step in it will be an embarrassment to them. Don't hurt their feelings. You can ask if they have food stamps and medicare. You can set it up with your neighbor to see if they could take your parents to get those if they don't have them. Cataracts is another thing to check if they have. Remember though that with medicare they will have to pay the balance of 20% and have some money upfront (I think it's over $150. I can't keep up as that figure changes yearly) when they go see a doctor. Maybe they don't have the upfront money to do that. If you're so worried, if after you've done all the talking with the neighbor, why not send your parents some money in the form of a money order or check? I mean, like a large amount that they can feel like "wow! we can finally get something done that we need". Sending a few bucks is not only not helpful, it's embarrassing and isn't enough to do anything with.

Answer 13

You need to contact the dept in their state that deals with the elderly and ask for assistance. The police will not help. You need to look into a nursing home and put them in it. they need day to day assistance. Many of them are like apratments with a full time nurse so that they stay together. Please call the social service organizations in yellow pages for their area. Also contact the state license bureau and check out the nursing homes you are cosidering. Then have them taken there, either by family or ambulance. SOunds like they both need medical care and are unable to do for themselves. I would arrange for them to be taken to hospital for evaluation.



Sorry to hear of you situation. I understand about not being able to do more. Alot of elderly people really are just tired and do not want help and then add in mental issues and it becomes a real problem.



Contact your local mental health department also and social services (welfare) they also can assist. Sometimes welfare will come out and inspect and ,make referrals, also meals on wheels can help with the food issue.....dont delay.....get calling...

Answer 14

Social services can help but you really need to consult a lawyer to see what can be done legally.You cant make people do anything they don't want to unless they are not capable of helping them selves.

Answer 15

the only other thing you can do at this point is, perhaps call on some of the neighbors that you think are supplying them with food and try to get info on their medical condition from them but if they just simply do not respond to you, there's little else you can do.

Apparently they are determined to go it alone. Let them.

Answer 16

It's very hard to do but you have to take legal action to have them declared incompetent, the family has to get together to do this it's hard to do sometimes but if it is best for them it has to be done. I did it with my mom and I don't regret it for a minute. My brothers and sisters hate me for it but mom passed away and had everything she could have had before she passed away. They didn't have time to help her so I put my life on hold to live and take care of her and she died in my arms at home, just like she wanted to.

You can take action to help them but remember your siblings may be offended or hurt by what you do.

I wish you good luck and if you have questions don't be afraid to ask them, I will help any way I can.

Answer 17

It is challenging to even think of that a book can help individuals to change their fates however } countless guys and ladies, people that they have actually benefitted in a big

Answer 18

I do not know where you live, but, I would check with the local or state social service department and ask for their advise.

I my state we can call a local service agency, and they will send a social worker to the home, just to check things out.

Is your step-father abusing your mom? You may want to inquire, she may be in fear.

Answer 19

in most states adults have the right to refuse social services, unless they have been found to be of mental incapability by a court of law.

few very elder persons can and/or will use cell phones and pc's

sounds like you may be in need of some counseling because of this relationship

Answer 20

Maybe a lawyer would be your answer, for the court to have them claimed incompetent, then you would be appointed to deal with the problem in reality.

Answer 21

The police will go and check up on them and give them a message from you. Beyond that I do not know what can happen! Soc. Serv. may help but I think that they have age limitations - so I do not know if you parents qualify! As for the abuse - well that is in the past and nothing can change that dreadful experience. So please tell me, is your job so important to you that you cannot take a day or two to visit your Mother - despite who she married, she did give birth to you! Now she needs you - please try to help her! CJ

Answer 22

Maybe they can not afford to go to Dr, do they have the money to go?

Answer 23

You want to help abusers ?

Why ?