I have a serious question about an obituary, can you help me please?

Question

Here is the deal, my mom and I were talking the other day as to what she wanted in hers and dads obituary when that time comes. She said that she is leaving it up to me as to what all I want it to say and also it is up to me if I want to put their picture in there or not. I have decided that I want to get the obituary wrote up now and be done with it as I don't think that when that time comes, I will feel like messing with it and may not even be able to think of what all I should put in it. Once it is finished, I am putting it with the rest of the papers on them that way they are all together for when that time comes.

I am going to put their picture with their obituary. Neither one of them wants a funeral at all, so there will be no funeral. They are going to be cremated. Once the cremation is done, I will get the call from the crematory that the ashes are ready and then I go pick them up and it is a done deal. No services of any kind.

I need your help with writing an obituary. I have looked in the newspaper trying to see how they are done. That is not really helping me out that much. I need to know who is to be listed in it (living or not). What all should go into the obituary? What order should things be put in, etc. Can any of you help me with this please?

Answer 1

Sapphire, when the time comes, the funeral director who will be be handling the cremation will sit down with you and ask you questions about your parents and he/she will write the obituary and make arrangements with the newspaper. You are smart to write down some facts now so you will have them ready, but you don't need to worry about composing the obituary. Don't pay any attention to the individuals who answered so negatively before. Most of us here know your situation and understand why you are worrying about these matters now. You can ask us anything you feel the need to ask.

Answer 2

you sound like a very organized person and to am doing my own stuff I want cremated and no ceremony just throw my ashes in a wheat field and be done with me so this is what you put...................

Harriette bones 63 died tues morn in her home with her family by her side she lived a very Good and pure life she will be sadly missed by all. She is survived by her loving husband Howard of 40 years and 3 lovely daughters Maggie 23 , Velte 22, and Mildred 19 and 3 grandchildren Meggie, Carrie, Carla. She worked as a nurse for 20 years at Hope Hospital and did a lot of community work. There will be no funeral only cremation no visitation. Just something simple like that you get the idea you can elaborate more if you want good luck.

Answer 3

Hi, Sweetie!

This -believe it or not... is one of the GOOD parts

of handling the death of someone you love very much.

You will recall good times, loved ones, and their importance

in all your lives.

It is also likely that -for one of them, the surviving spouse will be present, and have "thoughts"...

You will want to list the members of your family, near and far....

and it is so very important to those people that you do so.



Please be certain to remember close friends. By name. They will

never forget it... and these are the people who knew your parents

in a way -a meaningful way- that you could not.

They knew them as people. Not as "Janie's Mom", but as

"my best friend Susan". These are the people who talked

with Mom and Dad far into the night when you were sick,

or money was scarce... or Dad was ill, and your Mother

never let you see how afraid she was....

Like your best friend and you, now.

The rest is "automatic"... and is only important insofar as it is important to your Mom and Dad... schools attended, degrees achieved, positions held... these are things your parents will tell

you about as to which matter and which - not so much.



An obituary is as much for the living as it is to mark the passing

of the deceased.

The most important thing about an obituary is that you make

it clear how much they were loved, and by whom, and how

very much they will be missed.

You will have no trouble doing that. \



As to the order in which things are "listed"... your best source is someone at the newspaper working in "Obits". They do this for a living... and are only to happy to assist. Also, the Crematorium is extemely experienced and adept at this.

The "flow" come rather naturally, really...

"So-and-so died Tuesday evening..." (manner of passing -illness or whatever...) "and is survived by..." (wife/husband, sons and daughters, grandchildren, "X" number of greatgrandchildren...nieces, nephews, etc. If it is a large family, the further removed from the deceased, the more likely the number of grandchildren -as opposed to the individual names- is appropriate.... Parents -so and so, brothers, sisters, etc., etc.

(I have no idea how you feel about this of course)... but I think it's a statement of how very much your parents love you that they do this now, and that they have tried to spare you all that they can... no funeral, no "ritual", no outrageous expense when everyone knows

how much better that money can and should be spent - on the living.

(A Memorial Service is always possible... however-much later, if you feel it would be desirable. Call it a party; a celebration of their lives. That is up to you, and is suprisingly comforting to those left behind.)

It need only be a gathering of old friends in a mutual place,

where memories are shared.

As long as they are remembered they aren't "gone".

You will do this well when the time comes.

I hope it is a long and happy time from now. }:>

Answer 4

First of all, are you sure you're going to do an obituary? An obituary is very different from a death notice! An obituary is a news story that is published without charge. Death notices are paid advertisements.

An obituary gives details about the person's life......when/where they were born, where they grew up, when they married, occupation/profession/veteran of WW2??/special accomplishments

A death notice is date/place of death, family members, funeral details, and designated charity if applicable. As there is no funeral, it would be worded "at Sue's request there will be no service. Cremation has taken place" (or just Private Cremation)





Living relatives are listed first....



Beloved Wife/Husband of..........

(if it's a second marriage after a death it would be Wife/husband of _current spouse_____and the late_____________



Dearest Mother/Loving Father of.......children written eldest to youngest and if they are married, they can be listed as couples



Adored Grandma/Grandpa (Nana/Poppy)of ........grandchildren can be listed eldest to youngest or can be listed eldest to youngest of each child in the family



Great Grandma/Great Grandpa of......as Grandparent



Daughter/Son of...................one or both parents if they are alive



Sister/Brother of...........eldest to youngest eg. John and wife Jane, Barry (dec), Patrick and wife Sue, Gail (dec), Fred (dec)

or......you can list the living brothers and sisters and then put

Predeceased by her/his brothers Barry and Fred and sister Gail



Missed and lovingly remembered by all her/his nieces and nephews



Some people start with Son/Daughter of Bill & Sue, both deceased or the late Bill & Sue.......but technically the spouse should be named first. You can select your own terms of endearment



If you would like to give me names and details, I'd be happy to draft one up for you.

Answer 5

My husband passed in July. He was cremated but we had a memorial service. The director at the funeral home who arranged the cremation will ask the facts for the obit. You need to know your parents full names, birth dates etc., names of living children and towns they live in, the names of your grandparents, living brothers or sisters of your parents, any siblings of yours who have passed or were still born, your parents siblings who have passed. Any religious or group affiliations of your parents. If they were active in the church or community you can include that if you like. After the director of the funeral home takes this info you can proof read it and add what you like. They are helpful.

Answer 6

This is an excellent website. It gives you the exact order that things should be in. http://www.obituaryguide.com/template.php



Your job would usually be to provide the information to whomever is taking care of the arrangements. They have a format that they use, and they will proofread and edit for spelling and grammar. If your parents have already made arrangements with a cremation service, you can call them and find out how much help they'll be. If they don't provide this service, just follow the template in the website above and then get a friend to proofread for you before you send it in to the newspaper.

Answer 7

I don't know for sure but would guess there is somewhere on the Internet where you could find an outline to help you, there is for most things like that. However, I'm not sure you should write it now. To be prepared to write it is good and you might even jot down some notes about things you might want to include in it but your heart will most likely be in a different place when they pass on and I think anything you write now will seem wholly inadequate then. It's just my thoughts on it according to my experience. Do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Answer 8

I too want to be cremated. No service of any kind and only my family around to scatter my ashes. I don't want an Obit either. This is the way I have wanted it for years. Poppy

Answer 9

this is quite an honour you have been given,the writing of an obituary is really quite easy as it in general reflects the feelings of the person writing it and their thoughts on the deceased and as this is your parents you should not have a problem remembering all the good times,keep it short and sweet and to the point,i.e.,how they were as parents,how you were treated,you feelings towards them,how they helped you over the years,etc etc,obituary's are written as a final chapter in a persons life and are meant to reflect that persons life to those who never knew them and to those who did know them then its a way of reading a condensed life history,good luck.

Answer 10

It should go something like this;



Jane Robinson Doe, of the Eastview section of River City, died Sunday, September 14, at King Memorial Hospital after an extended illness. She was eighty-five..



Mrs. Doe was born July 1, 1923, in Brownsburg, Pennsylvania, daughter of John Andrew and Helen Mercer Robinson. She attended Brownsburg public schools and graduated in 1945 from Erie State College In 1947 she married Richard James Doe, who predeceased her [or simply "died"] in 2006.



Mrs. Doe worked for many years as a counselor at River City High School, taking time out to raise her family but returning to work after her children were in school. She was also active in community affairs and served twice as president of the River City Women's Civic Club. A lover of the theater, she appeared in several productions of the River City Dramatics Club, most memorably as the lead in a 1967 production of "Auntie Mame." In her leisure time, she enyoyed reading and travel with her husband.



She is survived by two daughters, Mrs. Keith Zimmerman (Melanie) of Pittsbvurgh and Mrs. Eric Arters of River City; a son, Richard Doe, Jr., and his wife, Cynthia; one brother, Theodore Robinson, of Lynchurg, Virginia; five grandchildren, and one great-granddhild.



At her request, there will be no services. Those wishing to do so may make memorial contributions to the American Cancer Society.



Arangements by Taylor Funeral Home.





Be prepared, however, for the paper to edit or even rewrite what you give it. In any case, be sure to put your name and telephone number on what you send in.



May what you write be out of date by the time you have to use it!

Answer 11

You put in whatever you want. Usually start with their name, place and date of birth and death. Then you can write a little something about what they did. After hat the last paragraph is what family members are still living, mother father, spouse, children, siblings. I have also seen where you can then add the names of those family members who preceded them in death. I hope this helped. I understand what you aer doing, it is hard when you are grieving. Take care!

Answer 12

Sorry all these people are so critical of you and your good idea and efforts.



Know what is really best-- a real memorial to your parents? Write from your heart a little bit about their life. Child of ___ and ___ Parent of ____ brother sister of ____, ____, and the late ____

then share what is important to YOU and maybe what was important to them -- an avid gardner, Sunday School teacher, political activist, music lover, comedy enthusiast. whatever they are to YOU...



Go with your heart. There is not right or wrong thing to include.



Peace!

Answer 13

I wrote my obituary several years ago. I didn't want to leave my family the burdon of trying to write it while grieving. I will share it with you. I left out names, dates and places to protect my identity.

I hope this is helpful.



~~~~~

(Place of death - name) ( fill in age ) Passed away ( day month year). (Place of birth - born to - (name) Parent’s) - Married - (Spouse name) - the love of her Life, - (Date and place of marriage).



She is survived by - (name - Spouse - name -children) - (number) of grandchildren - (number) of great granchildren -

(name) - brothers and sisters. Many lovely nieces and nephews, aunts, and cousins. Preceded in death by - (name those who have deceased).



Places they lived.



She is a member of the - (what) - Church.



She was an active volunteer and served in the Parent Teachers Association in the - name of city - School District. She was PTA President at - name of school.



She was employed by the State of - name state and worked in the Domestic Violence Program for 16 years. She became the Director of - name of - Women’s Center in 1985 and retired in 1996. She was dedicated to helping victims and children of domestic violence.



She enjoyed decorating and caring for her home, sitting on her front porch, reading, watching her favorite NBA basketball team, and listening to music. She worked with family photo albums and spent many years gathering information on her ancestors and writing family history. She took pride in knowing her ancestors by name. She left a legacy that her posterity will always cherish.



Name - loved the outdoors and the time spent with her loving husband and family at their cabin. She loved life, she loved to laugh and above all she loved her family.



Her message to everyone; Be Kind and Care for others and leave them laughing..



Friends may call (fill in time and date mortuary)



Grave side service ( fill in time ) at the - (name Cemetery) - (name address)



In lieu of flowers please consider donation to the - (name) - Womens’ Center or - (name) of Food Bank.

~~~~~~





When my mother-in-law passed on, all funeral aggaingements were left to my husband and I. The hardest part of her sad death, was writing the obituary. Collecting the vital information and things she did of interest, job history, community and church service. It was a total nightmare to morn for her death and write her obit in time to get it in the newspaper.



When life was finally back to normal, my husband and I both wrote our own obituaries. All the kids have to do is fill in the death date.



We bought our grave site and headstone and paid 13,000 dollars for our burials. !3,000 pays for both of us for a viewing and grave side services. Coffin and flowers to drape the coffin. The mortuary had a CD of my choice of music in their files and also a copy of our obituaries and they enter them in the newspaper. This is called the cheapest way to go, but at least our death is bought and paid for.



With all that done, there will still be a lot the kids will have to do, settling our estate affairs.



It is very trying and there were family issues to deal with.



My bags are packed I'm ready to go. . .when the time is right.



You can copy and paste and make your changes.

DeeJay. You have my blessing.

Answer 14

Good question and you are a good person. The answers that you received can help many of us.

Answer 15

actually the company doing the cremation should be able to help you with that. It sounds to me as though your parents are wise and considerate.