Why do you think the divorce is high, do you think it is because human values have changed so much?

Question

In my day no one had one night stands, having a baby out of wedlock was very much frowned upon.

Do you think the old way of life was better or not,
if better would you like to go back to the old way, or leave things as they are.

The reason I am asking this question is, on the Jeremy Kyle, show, girls have boyfriends getting DNA test to find out who the baby's father is, some girls have several boyfriends tested, and I think that is so sad.

Answer 1

There are various reasons.

The main reason is that nowadays it is acceptable to get divorced.

In the old days family and friends regarded it as something approaching a "sin".

What's more, it is now normally possible for a woman to live on her own financially (whether because most women now have a job or because the social system allows for it).

Probably the last reason is that everyone, most especially women, are no longer satisfied with the life they have. The media bombard us with things you could be doing and why people should not be satisfied with what they have.



All in all it's difficult to say what is better. In the old days most parents stayed together through thick and thin whether they were happy or not. My parents got divorced but my parents waited until we had left home before they get divorced.

Nowadays people often get divorced without much thought and believe it is better for the kids.



I don't know what is better. My ex-wife just left after 10 years without telling me because she found someone she fell in love with. She wanted us to remain friends. I hate her 18 years on for not giving me a chance to have my say in the matter. What annoyed me most is that she told her friends and family that "we had decided to break up" whereas she had been shagging her new bloke at work on business trips for months. That really hurts, even now.



Sorry - got a bit carried away there :-)

Answer 2

At least the people getting divorced took the time to get married in the first place,too many young people now just live together for one reason or another ( very often a financial reason ) and there does not seem to be much in the way of commitment for many young people.I also put a lot of the blame on the "must have" society - must have a big wedding,must have a honeymoon in the bahamas,must have a house,two cars and all mod cons.It is too easy for young couples to get sucked into the credit overspend which also adds pressures to married life.



Ps with regard to the several boyfriends bit, I think this may have been the same for quite a long time,only now science can prove who's the daddy whereas befor guys were more apt to "do the right thing".I have good Knowledge that at least two children of adults that I know have the same mother but definitely not the same father,although neither father is aware of the other.And dear old mum has been married for years.

Answer 3

The television show you describe watching is one of the things that has changed. 50 years ago there were 'fast girls' and 'loose women' (yes, there were people having one night stands back then); but they didn't tell their tales on shows that were broadcast into our homes. There were men and women who had multiple partners; but there were no DNA tests to determine who the father of a baby was. I think many of the children in orphanages back then weren't truly orphans; their parents hadn't died; many of these children were simply abandoned by their parents.....and we called them orphans; and few people gave these kids much notice or attention.



Divorces are far more common now; but I don't believe that means that people behaved much better prior to the 1960s. I think people behaved just as badly; they cheated on each other, some couples lived separate lives, not all married couples were successful; whether they stayed married or divorced.



I do think we'd be better off if we stopped watching tv shows that exploit the people who suffer due to their own bad behavior. We should object when people do things that hurt others, especially children. We should speak up about having self respect, treating others with respect, being responsible about our sexual behavior, treating marriage as a commitment and not an expedient way to get out of mom and dad's house. I just don't think looking back to our youth in an idealized way serves our kids and grand-kids well. People have always behaved badly, and if we can't admit that then our kids and grand-kids will never know that it is possible to live a good life despite temptations.

Answer 4

I do think that human values have changed a lot, some for better, some for worse. Young people should be made aware of the dangers of promiscuity and be shown the evidence of this. TV could be setting a better example, especially in the soaps. I think living together is better than marriage in that it is easier for couples to separate when things go wrong and a lot of the pressure of going through the divorce courts would be taken away.



Having said all that, I know how difficult it is to get young people to heed the advice of their elders. My grandchildren aged from 3 to 16 are a perfect example of this. I fervently hope that the advice of their elders and betters will be remembered and acted upon as they grow older.

Answer 5

well having been married for 41 years, and not quite having a baby out of wedlock, i still knew my husband for nearly 5 years before i married him.

i have to say though given the way things are now and the fact that you can use birth control there is no reason for any girl to get pregnant unless she wants to, things do not change in some ways, but i believe that if you have a child you should know who's child it is and stay with your partner, children need stability that is the shame of todays society,

Answer 6

In the "good old days" women were mens posessions and had to put up with anything that men dealt out. Divorce was difficult and unacceptable in society. Now, women do not have to put up with bad behavior. Staying together for the sake of the children in a bad relationship is worse for them than having a happy single parent. The same applies to men. Anyway, marriage is an institution, and who wants to live in an institution?

Answer 7

uncertain it has something to do with the sunlight, you have been surfing too many sceptical websites methinks. i might exchange my ideas if the scietific community can provide reasonable info countering AGW concept and includes a reasonable concencus on it. the latest climate modelling shows a cooling interior the the advent decade and then we are able to proceed the upward push in temperatures. The have new modelling which could shield the medium term bringing ocean currents and different issues into the equation. I assume a decade of sceptics pointing to those cooling figures "See, AGW isn't real, we are cooling down, Yah boo shucks, etc.etc." Yawn.

Answer 8

I would be so embarrassed if I was pregnant and wasn't sure who the father was! Aaauuuggghhh, I can't imagine what I'd do.



However, it would be miserable to be in an unhappy marriage. But, it doesn't seem as though people try to fix the unhappiness, just decide to start over with someone else.



My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. After we had our daughter, things did get hectic and we always joked that we stayed together because we said whoever left had to take the kid with them! LOL.

Answer 9

I think part of the reason divorce rate is so high is that these days women don't have to rely on a man to support them. Another reason, I think, is this attitude of every day should be happy and problems and ups and downs should not happen. I think people have become lazy when it comes to relationships. It seems if the partner you've chosen doesn't meet your every need then it is considered ok to get divorced.



As far as having children and not being sure who the father is, I think it is very sad for the children. It seems there is little respect for committed relationships and many don't understand or care about the consequences of having sex. This goes for both men and women. It has become acceptable for women to have children without an involved father, and it seems it has become acceptable for men to father children and just move on to impregnate other women.



I dislike these attitudes and I think it reflects very poorly on today's morals.

Answer 10

I think the divorce rate is so high because women no longer are so desperately dependent on their husbands for upkeep, women now know they can fend for themselves. Just remembering back when I was a child, so many women clung to unworthy husbands merely because they had kids that need support and the wife had never worked and thought she had no skills to get a job with--they stayed in unhappy marriages going nuts, taking it out on their kids, putting up with unfaithful husbands or abusive husbands. And then there was religion--back then so many religions frown on divorce. And it was a sign of failure (usually blamed on the wife because it was the wife's job to make the marriage work whether she had any cooperation or assistance from her mate). Women now have been better educated and have more self confidence about doing what has to be done to get a job. And we now also have child support laws which alleviate a lot of the problems of providing for kids after a divorce.



But I do agree that I think all young people, not just females, are far too loose sexually. There's too little sex education--so many young people only consider penis-to-vagina copulation sex. The parents don't want it taught in school but they aren't teaching it at home either. I think kids these days are far (FAR) less educated in sex then we were. And it is no longer socially for girls to have sex for the fun of it, to have a child out of wedlock, for a young teenager to have kids (and make society pay for them). Ok, I'm all for not judging the babies for the "sins" of their parents but I kind of liked it when sex was something special you shared with only those (few) you deemed good enough for you. It was exciting looking forward to sex after working so hard to get to that point with someone. You actually got to know your partner (yikes!) at least a little before you had sex. On the other hand, a whole lot of females grew up fearing sex, never being comfortable or able to enjoy sex because of all the pressure and severity put upon them regarding sex (it's always been the females' fault).



All I can say is I'm glad I'm an old person and won't have to deal with it all when finally hits the fan. It's going to backlash, it always does.

Answer 11

Divorce is more accepted than ever before. I think marriages fail because people think marriage is one long "date." When the bloom wears off, they see that as an indication that the marriage is over and it's time to move on.



I really dislike the way out-of-wedlock pregnancies are lauded as "normal." I suppose people like Brangelina have a lot to do with this notion, especially when they're splashed on the cover of a magazine every time they collect yet another child.



I'm also extremely uncomfortable around people who live together without being married. Even more appalling is when they then have a big, blowout wedding.



So, I do prefer the old way people used to court, marry, and live.

Answer 12

I think there are more divorces because it is easier now. Maybe it has also made some people marry quicker and regret it but I think a lot of marriages stayed together before that should not have done

Answer 13

A lot of it has to do with lack of values today, and the acceptance of divorce as a quick and easy alternative to sticking with marriage and working things out. BUT, (and there's always a big butt) another factor is that women no longer put up with abusive, cheating, lazy no good husbands like they used to. Thanks for a good question.

Answer 14

Divorce has it's good and bad points, really.

If you are in an abusive situation, divorce is a blessing.

However, on the other side, divorce has been made so easy, that it's become like changing outfits. When you get tired of one, you change to another.

A mixed blessing, I guess, but solely my opinion.

Answer 15

I think that too many people endured a lot of unhappiness by staying married to the wrong person for an extended period.

I believe the old fashioned way which called for virginity at marriage was unrealistic and also a factor for lack of success.

Today's liberal approach is better for the couple but may be at the expense of the kids.

So there's the trade off. Does a couple stay unhappily married for the sake of the kids or do they divorce and share them? I think what occurs today makes more sense.

Answer 16

I do not think values as such have changed but I do think at times some do not try hard enough. No marriage is perfect and the perfect husband or wife does not exist. So we have to work at it

Answer 17

I think that human values changing is part of it. The other part is that now days women can work outside the home and support themselves so if a marriage doesn't work out, a woman is more likely to get divorced than stick it out for fear of financial destitute.



Yes, I think the old days were better, especially for children. They had mothers AND fathers that lived with them and raised them. Children had mothers who stayed home and took care of the family so there weren't any latch key kids. Families sat down to dinner together. Children back in those days had both parents as positive role models, unlike today where most children are raised by only one parent and many of them are on drugs. Back in the "good old days" kids were taught manners and to respect their elders. Today kids carry guns and knives to school and threaten teachers. Kids now days have no place to hang out after school but on the streets. Back in our day kids had malt shops and diners to hang out with friends and listen to the juke box, it kept them out of trouble. I think in general kids and their parents were happier and more well adjusted. Everyone wasn't running off to the psychiatrist's office or on Prozac.

Answer 18

I consider myself as the last survivor of the old fashion and common sense age. even though i'm almost 23 years old. I think it has to do with technology alot.



back in the day you didnt have cellphones where you could send porn and naked pictures of each other

back in the day you didnt have internet where you can FREELY have EASY access to porn

back in the day you didnt really see as much sex on tv, like victoria secret, soul food, flavor of love, Mtv and other music videos. all that stuff contributes and Teenagers are the BEST victims becuase they fall for stuff soooo easily.



but anyway, the reason divorce rates are high is becuase people are just plain stupid. they never take the time to get to know each other. like there was this one episode of Bridzilla, after the wedding, the groom talked about having kids but the bride said "no we're not having kids" i could already see a divorce down the road for them and i thought to myself, WHY didnt they discuss this before the tying the knot? people don't have conversations anymore, people don't sit down and go through EVERYTHING. people just jump up and get married.



i also think it has alot to do with Women. I know Women are more emotional and they want to feel needed, loved, protected and cherished, but alot of the times i see questions on here by women who just have this urge to pressure their partner into marrying them. last time i checked, you leave it up to the man when hes ready to ask you. why nag him or manipulate him to do it? most of the times i think men marry women just to shut them up.



so yea thats my answer.

daughter of two amazing parents who've been married for 22 years.

Answer 19

I agree that human values have changed and some of those changes lead to social pathology. There are many factors that lead to an increase in the divorce rate. However, I would rather see amicable divorces than hear of any more deaths of young brides by husbands who decide they cannot cope or are just tired of their responsibilities. Women keep disappearing or are found dead with the husbands as the chief suspects. Divorce would certainly be a better resolution of marital problems.

Answer 20

The divorce rate is so high is definitely due to the lack of values/morals in about 80% of today's younger generation! Maybe it is due to both parents having to work, and not spending time teaching children what morals are ! 2 generations have gone by since I was a teenager, and I think our generation was the last to have our mothers completely to ourselves. Babysitters watch out for the welfare of a child, and schools watch out for their education, but what is obviously missing is someone to teach them morals. . what is right from wrong. . what are the good character traits to instill in a child. . . these are what is missing, and as you say. . it is so sad !!!!

Answer 21

I prefer the old fashion way although I think people did the same thing they do today then. It was just not the norm. It was important for people to be known as having scruples.



But this is where we are today. I really think that people just don't care anymore because they are self-absorbed and don't want to work that hard in the relationship. Society makes it easier to walk away.

Answer 22

I think the divorce rate is so high, because many couples don't take their wedding vows seriously when they get married. When they aren't happy in their marriage, instead of talking things out & working to make things better, they look at cheating as an option. I've seen that happen to many couples. Our world is in a state of great moral decay, that's why so many things are happening that would have never happened when I was growing up in the 50's & 60's. When I was growing up, moms instilled many things in their daughters & being morally strong was one of them. When my sons were growing up, I had talks with them about morals, values in life, etc. Don't parents do that anymore?

Answer 23

I think some divorces occur when families experience more stress than they can handle due to both parents working. There are so many situations arising from this: child care problems, what to do when kids are sick and parents have no one to take care of them so one must take off work which can cause problems on the job, parents arriving home from work only to face more work (meal preparation, helping with homework, taking kids to their activities, etc), squabbles over whose job it is to do what and which partner is doing the most, etc.

Answer 24

Nothing stays the same, life is constantly changing. Who can say if it's right or wrong. Thank God these girls don't get treated as outcasts because the didn't marry someone they had sex with. I remember girls and babies disappearing.

Answer 25

It is a sad situation, but a reality in today's world. There is a general lack of commitment with much of today's youth, not only in relationships but with a job. 'If it I can't have things on my terms,' oh well, vamoose!

Answer 26

The times they are achangin' .

Like it or not , these are the times we're living in . Human /social values are changing , for sure . Our older generation complained about it , in their time . Keep your own values , but best not to be judgmental . Its hard to understand the changes we are seeing and theres not much we can do about it . I try not to let things upset me . What can't be cured must be endured .

Answer 27

I put it down to the "throw away" age.Nothing seems to have any real value.It is sad,those concerned can have no self respect.

Answer 28

I think that you've answered you own question with your last three paragraphs.

I'm told it's very easy to bed a second partner these days, especially if the first, your wife or husband, lets you leave home frustrated in the morning.

Answer 29

I don't know. I have high values but divorced my husband. I didn't realize how abusive and deceitful he was when I first married him.



Wow, people are quick on the draw with thumbs down around here!

Answer 30

In 1981 it was 5.3 per 1000

In 1990 it was 4.7 per 1000

In 2000 it was 4.2 per 1000

In 2005 it was 3.6 per 1000



The rate has dropped. The good old days are part of memory loss. Women had sex before marriage in the past and things were not always the way you want to remember them.

Answer 31

Some people Suzie forget their marriage vows before leaving the church. Mine, like yours,still mean a lot.

Answer 32

I think the divorce rate is so high because people don't really think it is for a lifetime. It is a vicious circle. High divorce rate, must mean it is not a lifetime commitment, which means a high divorce rate.



The old way is much better. However, lets keep central air. *G*

Answer 33

Some people Marry for the wrong reasons.

Answer 34

What we did growing up our grandparents frowned on.



Our children will be saying the same things about their grandchildren one day.



Human values are still the same.

Answer 35

I don't think it is high. I think there are alot of people just living together today. It wasn't like that years ago.

Answer 36

I think it's because we get fickle and divorce can be too easy. When I was a little girl I thought only movie stars got divorced.

Answer 37

Sounds like you only got the puritan version of current affairs, no pun intended.

Answer 38

People seldom change; either you have integrity about your relationships (and yourself), or you don't.