Hi fellow seniors, did any of you have monetary help from family when first making your way in the world?

Question

Aside from Uni fees that is.

Hubby and I were married in the early 70's with a lovely small wedding, some generous gifts but no honeymoon.

We never asked for any money to set up home or buy a car we just started out life together virtually on the breadline.

Money was coming in as we both worked and it was enough to get by until hubby was promoted and things started to pick up and only then did our lifestyle improve.

These days though we've had to help both of our sons and their families in getting one foot on the housing ladder. One son has a mortgage and is now doing well, our other son and his family rent privately and needed help with a whopping deposit.

I fear without hubby's and my help they would still be living at home here or somewhere undesirable. Both I'm happy to say have paid back their loans and are making their way as best as they can in these austere times.

I was wondering how many of you had help with those starting up costs when you first made your way in the big wide world. Just how easy or difficult was it back then?

Answer 1

Hi Lily, i'm one of three and we were brought up to pay our own way in life, just as our parent's had done and that's no bad thing . I was thirty before i settled down and luckily i had enough saved up for a deposit on our one and only house up to date . Our parent's did help us out with small item's but i think you get a great sense of achievement when you have saved up and paid for thing's youself .

Answer 2

When we got married my dad said we could have a big wedding with many people or a small wedding and use the money for furniture. I took the furniture. We had a lovely wedding and had family and a few close friends at a upper scale restaurant. I bought the furniture and never regretted it. We helped our son and his wife with a down payment on their first home as a gift. Our daughter is in a private college we are helping her. We told them to take it as gifts now. There will be no inheritance except maybe our home etc. They need and are becoming self sufficient. That is a parents job. I am not rich so they know not to expect anything.

Answer 3

Money was very tight. I had to leave school aged 16 - to 'earn my own keep' - pay my mother for board and lodging, etc. I was married age 21 (1964) and lucky enough to to buy a house (£3450) with the help of a 90% Council mortgage - with my in-laws lending us half the required deposit.

Like you Lily, we had no spare moneys for a fancy honeymoon, to own a car, TV or other things nowadays regarded as 'essentials'.

We started a family almost immediately - so my sole income had to suffice.

Fortunately, I was on a steady career path, with rapid promotion to manager, director, etc - so that by my late 20s we were in calmer waters, financially. But we certainly had some hairy-scary times -en route. Those of us caught on the hop 1973/4 will remember how grim things could get.

That said - I reckon those trying to 'get started' today have it harder. Those fortunate (?) enough to go to Uni stack up large debts - jobs are scarce even for the well qualified - and following the 'Crash' banks & others require large mortgage deposits - which even well employed 30-somethings struggle to raise.

With little sign of general 'economic recovery'.

: ((

Answer 4

My parents paid for my nurses training. They didn't expect me to repay. I never asked for monetary help when I began working. My husband did better than that. He went into the service, when he was discharged he worked and paid for his own education at Embry Riddle in Florida where he became a qualified and certified airplane mechanic. He soon was hired by American Airlines where he remained, moving up into management. He retired with 40 years with the company. That Company in those days was a wonderful Company that showed much regard for it's employees. I'm glad Bill isn't here to see what has happened to the company which made it possible for us to have a very good life!

Answer 5

Back in 1976 when we got married, my dad had just died and my mum just had her state pension, so she couldn't help us money-wise. However, my hubby's mother's aunt, who was a spinster and the only one in their family with money, gave us a wedding present of £1600 which was an enormous amount of money back then.



We put it towards our first flat and, after we renovated it, we eventually sold it for great profit, which we put towards a better family home. If we hadn't received the £1600, we would likely have had to stay with my mum until we got a council house.



Nowadays, we have had to help our daughter with money every now and again. She privately rents a flat and we paid the deposit and first month's rent. She has paid it back though, so much per month. Some months she is better off than others, depending on the size of her bills. Also, having a dog and 3 pet ferrets, if they need to see a vet, we usually help out with money for that.

Answer 6

No. When my husband and I got married he was working full time on the night shift at a steel mill and going to college during the day. I was working full time at a store in the evenings and going to college during the day. We paid our own way, just as our own parents did decades before us. We were raised to earn and pay for what we wanted, even college.



I help my own two children as much as I am able, one more than the other. I'm in a position to do it so I don't mind. However, there is a limit as to what I will do for them. I think learning to work for what you want/need is a good thing and makes a person stronger. I think with the economy in the situation it is in now, more parents are helping out their children whenever possible.

Answer 7

No, not a penny and it would have been very nice if they had......... I think as an only child with self made very wealthy parents other people expected or assumed they would and were very surprised that they didn't .............. we rented a council flat..brand new, very nice, saved like made and purchased first house about 2 years later.



Not sure if I was a bad person or for another reason, but my mother was left out of her parents Will with everything going to her brother and only a token of their wedding band ring and pocket watch going to her... and 'everything' was 155,000 acres of land, two farms and 5 farm cottages ( cottages = 3 or 4 bed detached houses) one 3 bed detached bungalow and all in a very nice part of the country, all farm machinery, tractors etc...so rather a lot.........and it really affected my mother for a very long time, the unfairness of it the spite etc and her brother getting everything....so what has she done, she has written her Will and left her brothers son everything...as I said not sure if I was a bad person or for another reason but if that is what she wants who am I to say otherwise................ for my own children and grandchildren it will be split equally as well as my two step nieces who will get enough for them to know I love them and didn't forget them even if they didn't always find the time to come and see me

Answer 8

We got a 200. check a gift for our honeymoon. We got from Fla. to NC, on our way to Minnesota, and ran out of money and needed to cash that check. I called the pastor of the church I went to at home, and they came down, cashed our check with a smile. My husband was pretty surprised. He had never though of doing such a thing. I was young and still convinced the world loved me. Other then wedding gifts and that, we were on our own.

We have helped our kids move, and bought some things for a new house or apartment, but no big financial help.

Answer 9

NO! My parents gave us all the education we wanted, for which I'm eternally indebted to them...that and for the high values they instilled in us!



I got a job immediately after college. And my husband is a self-made man too! Together we did face some hardships when we began our married life...but asking for monetary help never crossed our minds. I'm good at adjusting and adapting to any life-style. That's where good values come handy :)

Answer 10

My X and I came from two different backgrounds. I would have never thought of putting my hand out or accepting anything other than well wishes. As a result, we moved away and made our own way. It was the best thing to do under the circumstances to not let them control our lives with indebtedness. That's how I saw it. And, I was sooooooo right. It played out badly for his siblings. Our demise, luckily, did not have to do with this. I'll pat myself and my parents on the back.

Answer 11

I'm not quite a Senior--yet--but Ma kicked me out when I was 16 & I have been helped only by my partners occasionally--if it wasn't for my current partner, I'd be homeless right now.

I have never asked her for a thing, not even emotional support. But 2 times she offered to help me out when $$ was tight for me, but I graciously refused her offer on principle. Once she offered to lend me her 'A Plan' status so I could get a big discount on the car I was going to buy. I even refused that help from her.

I once moved in with her for about 3 months while I was waiting for my apartment to open up--I was about 27 at the time. I paid her back by paying for her attourney a few years later. Adding up what I spent on her attourney, I more than paid her back for them 3 months I stayed with her.

Answer 12

My parents helped with the wedding. My husbands paid for our Honey moon in Cornwall. We didn't really get help from my parents in the way that we help our own children.



We try to support our children as much as we can. When we got married in the 80s I think it was expected that you just got on with it.



We were 21 and 22 and that seems so young to me now. My youngest is 22 and I wouldn't even contemplate leaving him or his older brother without our support.



We aren't like our parents.

Answer 13

No, it was offered but my husband refused due to his inflated sense of male pride. That was in 1970, just before house prices really skyrocketed - we could have bought a place (with my parent's help) for about $13,000 then. It took us until we were both 40 - and house prices were ludicrously expensive - to finally get into the market.

Answer 14

No, I never did, however when I was older, in my 40's, I was laid off and borrowed $600 from my folks. I paid it back within two months, so I never felt too badly about it. They didn't really have extra money, either, and I would have felt guilty not paying it back. Ed's daughter came to us about a year ago and asked for money which we willingly gave her, about $500, and we told her she needn't pay it back, but she knew up front that was all we could afford and she hasn't asked since. Of course, we haven't seen her since, either, LOL. My daughter and SIL have never asked for money, but we send them a little at Christmas to spend on the boys and I know it helps.

Answer 15

No, when my wife and I started out we just had two

regular incomes and eventually bought a house several

years later. I sold the house after my wife passed away.



I managed to help my daughter financially when she married

and went to live in Utah, she and my SIL are now on their

feet.

Answer 16

When I was 18, my mom and step-dad paid 2 months rent in a studio apt. for me, the filled up the fridge and bought a few household items for me, that was all the help I ever got from them.

My husband literally came to the US with one suitcase,no money and no language skills.

He was working full time as a machinist 2 weeks later, no help from anyone other then the IRC paying for 2 weeks at a rat infested hotel room in a run down part of NYC.

Our son always tells us we don't help him enough with money, like anyone ever really helped us out.

We still would do anything we could to help him but he isn't good at handling his funds and we don't want to just throw away our hard earned money, the littlel we have.

We paid for our own wedding in Vegas, not too expensive, my mother baked us a cake, the only gift we got from anyone.

I am sure my MIL would of helped us is we lived in her country, she bought a huge piece of land for her 3 kids to share, as me husband left the country, he was left out.

His brother and sister have built homes on the land with financial help from their mother with materials to build it from the ground up.

Of course back then it was communist and no one could get a home loan, every brick and window had to be paid for in cash before you could start building.

I always found it interesting over the years to see the old style owner built homes over there, sometimes people still hadn't gotten around to finishing up with proper flooring or doors, so strange.

I think if you work hard for what you have, you take better care of it.

many years ago, after my mother could see for herself what a hardworker and able person my husband was, we opened up our first machine shop.

Those machines cost a small fortune and although we had a few used ones, we needed new ones as well to make good quality parts.

We asked my mother for a 3 month loan of $20,000, she wouldn't laon it to us and to this day I don't know why not.

We have loaned people more cash then that who weren't even family.

it really would of made a huge doference at the time, given us enough cash behind us to step up in that business without all of the suffeering, in the end we couldn't keep it going as paying rent, on a place to live, a business and paying for the loans on the machines was eating up any profit we ever saw and we couldn't see in the end in sight.

I am still a bit upset that she didn't give us a hand, she could of had a lathe machine for collateral.

She bought brand new motorbikes for my brother, bought several cars for one of my sisters and helped pay for the other sister to go to college and paid for her big wedding.

Sometimes being the 3rd girl in the family isn't fair, they are so over girls by the time you arrive.

I also think my mother for whatever reason held a grudge against my husband for not being an American guy with a family of his own in the US to help us out.

Since she never really helped us, can't understand why she had such a chip on her shoulder about it all.

Answer 17

Not really. My parents had passed, but my husbands parents would give us furniture they no longer had. We never had the need to live beyond our means and it was "touch and go" for many years. When we (oops) became pregnant with our first child, his father gave us $100, but that was the only time.

Answer 18

I was spoiled rotten. My parents believed they were devoted to the next generation. (Not an unreasonable idea at all, really, but you don't see a great many people who believe and act as if that were the truth.)



As the earlier poster said, KYRIE ELEISON! Yes, indeed!

Answer 19

When my wife and I got married,I was 18, she was 17, we both came from working class stock, so cash handouts were very rare.... We both worked hard, like most people did, raised a large family, and struggled!...but we made it! on our own merits, and luck...That was 60 years ago, come this October. Still fight!, but use lighter gloves!...Known hardship and really great sorrow, but try to keep on laughing...You have to!, havent you?.....

Answer 20

Not at the beginning but later, when I opened a new business, my parents offered financial help until the business got on its feet. Fortunately, our needs quickly evaporated but it was nice to know it was there if needed.

Answer 21

i left for university is 1973 ( iam not technically a senior) i got £50 in cash from my slightly wealthy spinster aunt alot of money but that was it, its taken me a while to work my way into comfort and paying off my mortgage etc, it was easy for me i think as university was free in essence but i had to work as much as i could though.



i think its harder now becasue as soon as i left university i got a job no problem in the nhs

Answer 22

No, I joined the air force at 18 and have been on my own since.

Answer 23

I joined the military at 18 and supported myself

Answer 24

YES WE DID



WE NEVER ASKED BUT MOM AND DAD WOULD ALWAYS SLIP US SOMETHING



FOR HOLIDAYS ( RE PASCHA RE FEAST OF THE NATIVITY ( ETC



AND GAVE GENEROUSLY AND PAID OFF THE BIGGEST SURPRIZE OUR MORTGAGE



WHEN WE WERE YOUNG ( ITS A FAMILY TRADITION IN MAY LANDS) HELP



I DO THAT NOW TO MY CHILDREN AS WELL... WHY NOT SHARE IF YOU CAN

AFFORD IT ( I DONT NEED MUCH NOW >. WE WILL WELL AND THE LORD HAS

ALWAYS PROVIDED





ICXC NIKA

KYRIE ELEISON

Answer 25

Yes i got a lot of help from my parents i did pay back eventually though.

Answer 26

Neither my parents nor my husband's had money to spare. We managed on our own; no frills, but we managed. We have, and do, help our adult children out from time to time.

Answer 27

Nope, never gotten any help from either sides..we were brought up to take care of ourselves and we did..We didn't even help our kids, they knew what to expect from it..and they never ask for any types of helps to this day yet..=)

Answer 28

No. Maybe it's different when your single.