Are the chances of finding the ideal mate about as good as finding life else where in the universe?

Question

Sure, some of the readers will claim to have a current soul mate but as I age into my 59th year I tend to see how often folks weigh what they tolerate in harmony w/ what they love.
Even the ladies that I thought most perfectly aligned w/ my bio rhythms were just as likely to determine that I didn't align that way w/ them.
So, my question is as follows ... is it human nature to settle for that which is close to perfect as what is perceivably possible at that juncture in life, knowing one could live unattached the rest of their life if they don't ... or, are there that many couples that were lucky to engage in a mutual relationship where both parties couldn't ask for anything better because nothing better exists?

Answer 1

There is no such thing as an ideal mate. There are people who you may find more compatible than others because of common interests and beliefs. SO yes, all married couples are with someone less than ideal because they feel the good outweighs the bad.



If one continues to seek a "perfect" mate, life will pass you by and you will remain single...which is not necessarily a bad thing. As for what degree of imperfection is tolerable, that depends on you. How flexible, accepting, non-judgmental, are you?



I think many marriages fail because the people think they need to agree and enjoy everything together. It's kind of a balancing act to enjoy a person's companionship while still having a life and interests of your own.



As for life elsewhere in the universe, I'd say there's a pretty good chance of that.

Answer 2

You're trying too hard to find a perfect mate. You don't find them, they just happen. Start with just a nice person and let something develop. Sometimes it's not even someone of whom you're attracted at first. I knew my husband months as just a passing acquaintance before actually having a casual date (coffee.)



Neither of us was really interested in a full-fledged relationship, but eventually everything came together and we've been married and close friends for 34 years. We actually have very different likes and dislikes, but we accept that in the other and it's just us as a couple at the end of the day. It's a very comfortable relationship-very open-we trust each other completely.



You won't find someone who fits exactly like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Your mind has to be open and you have to accept that the other person is not going to meet your every qualification. It's not a love story, it's real life. Real love stories have many flaws. If we love the other person, the flaws are overlooked and the qualities we enjoy are those of which we will remember and hold dear.



You need to work with what you have on hand. Start with the basics.

1.) who do you know who is single?

2.) do they eat or drink?

3.) would they like to pause for a little conversation and quick bite-no strings attached?

Bingo. Let the rest of your life begin. Simple as that. Now don't screw it up with 100 questions, demands or anything complicated. Just let it be. Be a little spontaneous for a change.

Answer 3

My husband and I did not start out as the perfect couple, we were really good at first but there were some major differences and major growing up that we both needed to do. We have become perfect for each other (not necessarily anyone else's idea of the perfect couple); not because we started out as soul mates, but because we are both resilient, we love each other, we respect ourselves and each other, and we have learned how to work together. It is possible to nurture a love for many years.



I have never once felt trapped by my marriage. We make the choice each day, for over 30 years, to continue building our marriage. There are things that my husband wouldn't tolerate, there are things that I wouldn't tolerate; neither one of us stay in this marriage because we don't feel like we couldn't make it as singles.



I think that somewhere between the "ideal soul mate" and "settling" there is a "sweet spot". The sweet spot happens when both people are confident in themselves, confident in the relationship, and are able to nurture their connection no matter what else is going on.



To me; seeking "ideal" and "perfection" in a mate gets in the way of actually connecting with another person. It is just too easy to have some image of what a mate should be, and to pay more attention to the image instead of allowing ourselves to bond with a real person.

Answer 4

No one is perfect, therefore no relationship can possibly be perfect, and it would be ridiculous to think so. Soul mates are not anymore a perfect suit than anyone else. It is the connection that is made that makes two people soul mates. It is this connection that makes us want to change ourselves to be whatever it takes for the two to become as one, to work in unison for the good of the relationship. This does not even then make the relationship perfect but it makes for a selfless relationship where the good of the two out ways the will of the one. Where unity and compatibility abound because it is made to abound, and love only grows stronger through the years. The connection my wife and I made upon first meeting was astounding. We both came to believe that we knew each other and were in love in the spirit world before being born into mortality.

Answer 5

Maybe if you widen your search to the whole Universe you'll stand a better chance!



Seriously though, i think soulmates are a myth, but also a self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps people glued together in a positive way. People think to themselves that their partners are ideal for them and that they owe it to their mates to be as good a wife or husband themselves as possible, and this is what keeps them going. It's also partly about making an effort to be the right person to them.



Having said that, i've only been married eighteen years and i can't say what happens later from personal experience, but one thing which does seem to take place is that you become each others' carers, so it has a large practical element too.

Answer 6

It's been my experience that no one is "ideal" at the start. Every relationship that I enjoyed was one that progressed into joy. It began with someone I liked talking to, then liked doing activities with, then deciding to give a relationship a go. I did lots of asking, "Does this bother you? Do you like it when I...? Would you prefer if I...? Should I cook that more? Is that too much salt?" I asked for a lot of feed back. And I also let it be known that it was "safe" to tell the truth. I did this b/c I had my way of doing things BUT they weren't set in stone. I was willing to change how I did things if it was less than ideal for my partner. I wasn't changing myself to please him. I wasn't going THAT far. But in areas that I was flexible, I wanted him to know that. It was always reciprocal. That's why I say think two people can grow into each others ideal. Me & Hubby did.

Answer 7

What a fabulous bravery to ask this. I'm sure more than half of us wonder the same thing. Comedians pare it down and bring it out, too. Boy, does the variety of possible answers become a challenge. Gail Sheehy wrote that when you're ready to get married, you'll marry whoever you're with at the time. Back before I reached my mid-sixties I remember thinking everybody good was already married or gay, and pickin's would get smaller the more time passed. I think I was right. But though a companion would be fun now, for adventuring and hugs and laughter, I'm with Katharine Hepburn, as she said in her 70's or 80's in that interview, that she had considered it herself, and had decided men and women should live next door to each other, and visit.

Answer 8

Seeking 'perfection' in a Life Partner is both unrealistic and immature. Nobody's perfect. That's a given. You sweat and pass gas just like everybody else. To demand 'perfection' is to demand the inhuman. If, at your age, you still haven't worked out that Life is a compromise and when your 'perfect' check-list only matches six times out of ten, you say thank you very much and get on with it..!



In my life I have been blessed with two Life Partners. In both case they were and are perfect. That is not to say that there are disagreements, rows, occasional disenchantment and all the rest of it. One should not expect more. Not if 'being realistic' is part of the equation. If you can't live with all that, what you need is a 'paper doll.' One to call your own. No complaints there. (No Life either, but Hey..! It sure beats being perpetually disappointed, doesn't it..!)

Answer 9

IMHO an ideal couple would be a couple who can celebrate their differences and capitalize on them. No one is perfect, no matter how you define perfect. Someone told me that mates go elsewhere because they are missing 20% of what they want. So they find someone new and they end up with 20%. Having lived through that, I believe it's true. And, I also believe that "finding" someone implies searching. What I have learned both from my youthful endeavors and my post-divorce experience is that searching for someone is not the answer. I think it happens when it happens and I'll know it when I see it.

Answer 10

so some distance as existence is going, we in basic terms have a pattern length of one. the single being Earth. The type of issues that have needed to return jointly to type existence as all of us be attentive to it are remarkable. in spite of the undeniable fact that, the Universe is likewise surprisingly mindbogglingly large and it is a lifelike assumption that if it occurred right here it purely had to have occurred someplace else too. it is impossible to coach a unfavorable, it is why we will not prepare there is no God, even nonetheless all of us with even a smidgen of basic experience can see there is no God. it is a similar with "existence". we can by no potential have the flexibility to coach "we are on my own". however the numbers are so extensive that if we come across the slightest evidence that we weren't a fluke then there purely ought to be different existence accessible. even nonetheless to be truthful you're extra probably to win the lottery 5 weeks on the trot than we are to discover it, a minimum of on your lifetime. nonetheless we could constantly save finding purely in case.

Answer 11

Well I realised I found the ideal man when I was 5 years old. It was my grandfather. He was my hero and the sun rose and set in him. We just seemed to know exactly what the other was thinking or feeling. Even as I grew up, and after he died I would use him as the measure of what a man should be.



I soon came to realise that I was not going to find one that would measure up. So married one that was nothing at all like him. That was 42 years ago, and despite faults on both sides are still together.



Beulah

Answer 12

My spouse is not the ideal hubby, he wants control. I don't argue with him, it is pointless to do so. He was in the first years a bully, that did not bode well for him. I will not be bullied, then or now. We stay together, for now any way, because it is best for us. We don't share a bedroom, it has been 20 years now. I am content but miss love. I am happy for couples who still love each other after so many years. I don't know what happened that I did not find my soul mate. If not for our 12 year old grandson whom we adopted, I would just pack up and leave. By the time he starts off to college I will be to old. Poppy

Answer 13

I think so (to your first sentence/question). I gave up quite a few years ago. But again, I still work as a locomotive Engineer, and railroading is very tough on a relationship. So I don't try anymore. It's all good though. I move around the mid-west quite a bit, and I have the horizon in front of me every day. It's also nice to be able to buy the things I want - hot rods, guns, antiques and art, and never have to explain it to anyone, LOL.

Answer 14

I've been in a very good loving, fun marriage for almost 37 years.



I learned to have an ideal mate....you have to BE an ideal mate first.



If you think you're settling that person would be better off without you.

Answer 15

Even couples who are happily married know that neither of the them are perfect. Blu, you are not perfect and will not find perfection in any woman. It seems to me that you make life (and your Q's) way too complicated. Lighten up, forget about your biorhythms and enjoy the next woman you meet, but don't marry someone you have to "tolerate." to avoid being alone. That is a grave injustice to her and yourself. Remember that song "It's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along." When you find the right one, I will come dance at your wedding.

Answer 16

I do not think there is such a thing. I think that if you are happy with a person and spend a lot of time before you are married, have seen all of their idiosyncrasies before marriage and can live with them, then you know whether or not their imperfections are tolerable. If not, then I think it is better to live alone.

Answer 17

I always figured I wasn't "perfect" myself, so what right did I have to demand perfection in others?



Even knowing this, I never found anyone I wanted to spend enough time with to contemplate marrying, once I was well past the pain of my own divorce in 1989. Sad really.



I always thought I would grow old with a companion at my side. At this point, it looks like those "companions" are destined to be furry ones! (Currently one dog and two cats.)

Answer 18

Ideal mates are fewer and farther between. To many gave themselves to the wrong person, and now there's the used market to pick from. The ones who aren't used, are going to be looking long and hard for their ideal mate. I still think it can be done, if they choose to look in the right places.~~ No two people are 100% ideal in every respect to begin with. That's impossible. To begin with, you click, smile, laugh and be yourself. A wonderful personality, is what first attracted me. His kindness and respect, in how he treated me, made me love being with him. I found myself missing him & I finally reached the point, that I knew I was ready to say yes, if he ask. I wanted to grow with this person in my life. I was happy & it showed. He suggested going to a Bible class together. We did & what a blessing that was for us. We have been married 58 yrs. on April 6, 2011. Still remain dedicated to working out little things & keeping each other comfortable. We are still working at keeping this big family united.

Answer 19

Life is whacky, sometimes you hit it right, and sometimes you don't. You can meet the right person at the most inopportune times. You can meet the wrong person thinking this is the right person finding out later that no, it wasn't. It's all a dice toss.

Answer 20

I didn't go looking for it but I stumbled upon it and I knew that he was the right man for me in an instant. I settled two other times in my life but the third time I didn't settle, I met the right one and 40 years later he is still the right one. He felt the exact same way. Soul mates? All who know us will tell you yes.

Answer 21

Or the same chances of hitting a lotto jackpot, in reality there is no such thing as a soul mate.

Answer 22

Blu,



Never give up. I just turned 59, and I live with the Love of Robert DeNiro. I know he will come to take me away and live in bliss..........He wants me so bad, as do most men.....they just don't know me......Hope you laughed.

Seriously...Never give up. Love is a wonderful thing and I pray I will know it again before the end.

Answer 23

just read an interesting quote: to paraphrase-everyone will hurt you, just depends on how much more tolerant you are of the ones you care the most about. prollably true.

Answer 24

If so, my husband and I are living proof that life exists outside this planet.

Answer 25

A successful marriage is not something you find or discover, it's something you build. It requires patience, determination, and sacrifice.

Answer 26

blu think about the people who are not allow to see each until their wedding day.



Their family pick a partner for them, and they go on to have heaps of children.

Answer 27

many marriages have withstood the test of time, no one to my knowledge has found lifeforms else where

Answer 28

define IDEAL....as in fairy tale? doesnt exist. find happiness where you can. if that happens to be alone just go with it.